its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
