Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
