No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
