in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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