Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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