I accidentally burped into my bong.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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