Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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