the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize