i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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