She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
