I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
