Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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