my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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