So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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