Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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