Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Let's paint friendship bongs
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
