I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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