did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize