I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
