she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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