its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
