so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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