He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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