You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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