why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
