Yo dont text me then not text me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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