I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
