no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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