There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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