My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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