you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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