It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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