Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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