btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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