Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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