So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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