I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
