you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize