all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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