I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
