Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
