I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
