Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
