I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
