this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
