Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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