It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
