Don't you send me to vm
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
