we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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