chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
