i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I believe in your delicious
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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