I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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