Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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