Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
