I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
