the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
