Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
