Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
