dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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