I need help removing her.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
