weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
