i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
nutella sex= disaster
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
