He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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