Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
