when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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