i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
