I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize