i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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