Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
