Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
