I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize