capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
