Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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