Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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