Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
