so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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