soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
