I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize