seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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