good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
