You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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