Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
